Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
