it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
