this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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