I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
