I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
