I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We got so high we made milksteak
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
