just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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