I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it because I queefed?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
