I wish I could punch you in the face.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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