there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
