Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Randomize
