Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
