Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
