Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
