She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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