So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
