and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
