i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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