my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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