is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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