So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
