I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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