i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
