Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
