just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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