in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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