I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
