I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
