Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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