I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
