I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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