How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
