I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
