i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
