I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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