You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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