I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
