I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
