She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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