all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
