Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
