wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
