Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
