I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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