Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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