my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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