As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
