After last night, I could never be a politician.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
