I'm so fucking centered right now
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
