she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
