Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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